Dads get the baby blues too

Few life events are as transformational as a new baby. And it’s not just mothers who struggle to adjust to the new reality.

New fathers may feel “left by the wayside,” said Richard Heywood III, DO, FACOG, a gynecologist and obstetrician with Falmouth Women’s Health, who is also the father of three.

“I think a lot of men, up until the time the baby arrives, have been largely the focus of that woman’s affection and attention. And then, suddenly that changes on a dime,” he said.

The result can leave a new father with postpartum depression, more commonly recognized as a mental health issue for mothers. But research shows that 8 to 10 percent of new fathers experience some form of postpartum depression and that number climbs to 25 percent in the three to six months after the birth, according to a 2019 report in Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience. While there are no established symptoms to define postpartum depression in men, symptoms such as irritability, restricted emotions and depression can show up in the first year, wrote Johnathan R. Scarff, MD, a psychiatrist at the Kenner Army Health Clinic in Fort Lee, NJ.

Dr. Heywood tries to address the huge changes that a baby brings when he talks with parents during postpartum check-ups at two or six weeks. Unfortunately, fathers don’t always accompany their partners, he said. But fathers can also be affected by the emotional and physical aspects of a new baby, such as disrupted sleep and a distracted partner.

“I spend quite a bit of my postpartum visit talking with patients about this huge life-changing event they just went through,” he said. “It’s a good way to let the person know that you still care about them. They aren’t lost in space. Somebody is there to help them out if they are having a bad time.”

Postpartum depression in women is caused by a number of factors, including hormonal and physical changes, to say nothing of the lack of sleep, according to researchers. Risk factors in men include a history of depression, marital discord, unintended pregnancy and financial insecurity. Men whose partners develop postpartum depression are more likely to develop it themselves. And a father’s mood may also be affected by hormones, particularly the drop in testosterone that’s thought to help him bond with the baby.

Whether you are a new mom or dad, symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

• Depressed mood most of the day or nearly every day;
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in everyday activities;
• Significant change in weight;
• Insomnia or sleeping too much;
• Restlessness;
• Fatigue;
• Feelings of unworthiness or guilt;
• Inability to concentrate;
• Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

Dr. Heywood said he tries to help his patients and their partners adjust their expectations about parenthood and each other, whether it’s household chores, child care or sex. Once a baby enters the picture, “if there are any insecurities in the relationship, it can start to unravel,” he said.

“I do feel male partners feel left out and I try to coach [mothers] with some ways to manage that expectation, to manage the involvement of their partner, to try and to continue to work together as a team,” he said. Thankfully, doctors and couples are more open to discussing parenthood issues than they were a generation ago, he said. His advice includes:

• Speak up about your needs and anxieties rather than expecting a partner to instinctively realize that something needs doing or is upsetting. He tells mothers, “as much as you think it’s obvious and we should see it, you need to be very specific in telling [the father] what you need.”
• Schedule date nights. “Then your partner has something to look forward to and they don’t feel bad about bugging you to have sex and getting turned down and you’re not feeling bad about turning them down. That just helps take the pressure off.”
• Keep physically active and try to continue to do some of the things you like, whether that’s getting out for a walk or listening to music.
• Talk about what’s going on and if you can’t seem to solve it, ask your doctor or hospital social workers about getting help. Options include counseling, therapy and new parent groups.

“I focus on trying to get the change in perspective,” Dr. Heywood said. Or, as he tells fathers: “This woman doesn’t love you any less. … She’s just had a huge change in her priority focus.”